Autobiography

[For the 2004 smash hit Ashlee Simpson album of the same title, click here.]

Recently, I’ve been inspired by such modern classics as Bossypants, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me, and Yes Please to write my own memoir, you know, when I reach teaching superstardom. Let’s hope people judge this book by its cover, because these are the titles I’ve brainstormed so far:

  • Jesslyn Poulson: A Cautionary Tale
  • Unwillingly Wearing Pants
  • 1001 Places to Nap Before You Die
  • 1001 Places to Die Napping
  • 26 Years of Meals with No Nutritional Value: A Cookbook
  • Confessing My Sins
  • Beyonce, Jay Leno, and Jody Foster: a Collection of People I Have Been Confused For
  • Dr. Jesslyn, Teacher Woman
  • The Communista Mani-fiesta!
  • My Chin is 90% of My Face
  • It’s a Good Thing I Don’t Drink
  • Don’t Mind Me; I’m Just Being Accidentally Creepy
  • A List of Historically Named Fish I Have Killed and Other True Stories
  • Singing Things that Should Have Been Spoken
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