Lunch Detention

Ms. Poulson: Shhhh. No talking in lunch detention. This isn’t supposed to be fun. You’re supposed to be completely miserable.

Kid 1: Can we whisper?

MP: No.

Kid 1: Can we write notes?

MP: No.

Kid 2: Can we lip read?

MP: No. But you can blink messages in Morse Code.

Kid 3 (talking to Kid 4): Why are your pants hanging down so low? It’s disgusting. Pull them up.

Kid 4: I dunno. They’re too big, I guess.

Kid 3: Then get a smaller size. Maybe you need to go shop at Baby Gap.

Kid 5 starts singing “Someone Like You” by Adele

Kid 5: Ms. Poulson, I want nothing but the best for you.

MP: Thanks. I appreciate that.

Kid 5: You should. Because I am not nice to people.

Kid 2 bursts out in laughter.


MP: Hey. Dude. Stop laughing. You’re miserable, remember?

Kid 2 (pointing at Kid 1): He was telling me a blinking joke!

Kid 6: Ms. P, do you own a gun?

MP: Yes. A glue gun.

Kid 6: That’s lame. That doesn’t even count.

Kid 3: Have you ever burnt yourself on one of those? It’s pretty much the same as getting shot.

Kid 5: Ms. Poulson, you would look really cute with my cousin. He’s a professional photographer and he’s rich…but he’s also gay and has a boyfriend.

Kid 7: My sister’s friend is a photographer and he’s also gay!

Kid 5: Taking pictures must be a gay thing.

Kid 8: Pouls, why aren’t you married?

Kid 9: Yeah, you know how many kids in 9th grade think you’re hot?

MP: We are changing the subject and we are never, ever going to talk about that ever again.

Kid 1: Can we go yet?

MP: If you can tell me who sings this song in one guess, I will let you go early.

[MP starts playing “Lucky” by Britney Spears]

Kid 1: Ariana Grande!

Kid 4: Someone old and probably dead.

Kid 5: Justin Bieber!

Kid 1: Donald Trump.

Kid 2: Britney Spears?

MP: You can go.

Kid 3: That’s not fair. Lunch detention is the worst.

MP: Thank  you.

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