Apocalypse NOW!

Friends, I write to you mournfully on this, the last day of Earth’s existence.
I was first warned of this impending doom little over a month ago, conveniently announced on a billboard in western Colorado,

but have since seen many others.

The Bible guarantees it, or your money back!
Wasn’t it kind of them to give us a “Save the Date”? I put it in my planner right between “Doctor’s Appt.” and “Burn in Hell.”
This really came as a shock to me. I wasn’t expecting the end of the world until August 23, 2013. That’s when my dear friend, Grigori Rasputin, predicted it would happen. All of his other predictions were very reliable (like proof of human reincarnation being found in 1998, a great plague sweeping America in 2000 and the attack of the Loch Ness Monster in 2003). Suddenly, I’ve lost 2 years of my life, just like that! It’s my own fault, really. I should have paid closer attention to “The End of the World Notification Service”. How kind of them to compile all the predictions together so you can easily decide when to plan your family vacation so it won’t be interrupted with fire and brimstone.
Didn’t know this was coming so soon? Have no Apocalypse parties to attend? No fear; David Letterman gives some great suggestions on how to make Doomsday even more enjoyable:

As for me, I plan on eating an entire package of Mint Oreos and taking a long nap (I want to be well-rested for the festivities!).

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One Response to Apocalypse NOW!

  1. rachel dell says:

    we went to buffalo wild wings today at work for our last meal. i kid you not. we want to be able to fly during the rapture, duh. and we wanted to stuff our face with delicious food before we go to hell/heaven. eat, drink and be merry, right? for tomorrow we die!


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