“Your Mother Should Know”

A few days ago, I posted a rather controversial Facebook status, vowing to never have maternity photos of me taken. In my defense, I present my case.
*Disclaimer: You can thank me for including only pictures where the subjects were mostly clothed.

If I ever got this in the mail at Christmas, I would promptly convert to Judaism.
Ariel and Prince Eric are expecting! Only, she’s a bit blonder and he’s a bit balder.
If nothing else, you have to admire the photographer’s perfect placement of the father’s head.
I’d prefer to give birth in a hospital. But a tree would certainly be a close second.
The family that belly dances together…yeah, I got nothing.
They heard that ballet helps induce labor.
Unfortunately, this is only the first in a long line of pregnancy & pistols pictures (though, the watermelon is certainly unique).

I’m honestly not quite sure what to make of this one.
“You stay away! These are MY stretchmarks!”

…aaand, guns of a different nature.

Rover had the strange inkling that he was about to be replaced.

The Mirror of Erised is REAL! This is probably one of JK Rowling’s maternity pictures.

If there’s any way to toughen up your boys to make real hockey players out of them, this is it. Then again, it might just result in years of therapy.

If I have to have this image burned into my brain for the rest of eternity, so do you.

Like husband, like wife.
This picture might be serene…if it weren’t so creepy.
A Halloween costume guaranteed to keep the trick-or-treaters away for at least the next 12 years.
Cindy wanted a beach ball for her birthday. All she got was this lousy baby brother.

Can anyone say “Sister Wives?”
She couldn’t wait for her little ray of sunshine to arrive!
“Make fun of our kid and you’ll get a roundhouse kick to the head!”

Thank Heaven for little girls…and sunscreen.
This just ruins all the surprise. It’s like giving someone a Christmas present and putting a tag on it that says “ugly tie inside.”
If you’re going to take maternity pictures, make sure you get a good shot of your tattoo.

Somehow, I don’t think that the above picture is unlike this:


She was just jealous of her husband’s beer belly.
Aaaaaaaand, presenting the end-all best (worst) maternity picture of all time:

Add equal parts trashiness, awkwardness, and terrible photography techniques and what do you get? Triple whammy!
(I think the hanging sheet in the background, rolled up cami shirt, and torn jeans really make the picture. Don’t you?)

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to “Your Mother Should Know”

  1. Lisa says:

    Ahhh! My eyes! These are all so horrible. And why why why do they have guns in these photos? I don’t get it.

    Like

  2. Mama San says:

    You are hilarious! What are we going to do for entertainment for 18 months?

    Like

  3. Rachel Dell says:

    i’m going to go puke up everything i ate at disneyland right now. mmkay. thanks for the overshare! jk, but kinda not.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s