Born in the USA

Growing up, I always vowed I would never have a customer service job, especially nothing in the food industry. Looking back, I realize that was a totally unreasonable goal. There’s just about…zero…jobs where there isn’t some customer you have to satisfy, and terrible food service jobs are a right of passage. And that is how I ended up working at the MOA Cafe, the restaurant in the campus art museum, as a freshmen. Mostly, I cut up vegetables, made sandwiches, and plated desserts, avoiding serving at all costs.
One day, during a particularly busy lunch rush, I was forced out of the kitchen and into the front, taking orders. A girl I recognized was next in line. She had been to the cafe many times before, frequently asking to sample each of the soups and salads, then leaving, saying she wasn’t hungry. This day, she walked up and asked me what the daily special was.
“Mushroom Polenta.” I responded.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“It’s a cornmeal patty, topped with mushrooms, chicken, Alfredo sauce, and red sauce.”
“Hmmmmm, yeah, I’ll have the placenta.”
It took every ounce of self control I had to hold back the laughter.
“So, one polenta?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll have the placenta.”
I’m pretty sure I was fighting tears at this point. I couldn’t help but let horrifyingly disgusting yet humorous images of an afterbirth casserole enter my mind.
“But, I’ll have it without the chicken, or the red sauce, or the Alfredo sauce.”
“So, you want boiled cornmeal topped with mushrooms?” I said, trying to help her visualize what she’d actually be eating.
“Yeah. I’m really trying to watch my calories and all those sauces sound so fattening.”
“Okay, that will be ready in about 2 minutes.”
As I made the dish, I told a co-worker about the placenta incident and we both had a good laugh. About ten minutes later, the girl returned, carrying her dish.
“This is really disgusting. This is probably the grossest thing I have ever eaten. Why do you sell placenta here?! You should really take it off your menu. No one will want to eat placenta.”
I couldn’t agree more. I sure don’t. But, a word of advice: should you choose to eat placenta, make sure you top it with Alfredo sauce and chicken.

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3 Responses to Born in the USA

  1. Danica says:

    hahahahahaa this is soooooooooooooo grosssssssssssssssssssssss


  2. Rachel Dell says:

    that’s disgusting. and entertaining. stupid girl.


  3. Mama San says:

    Okay, you made laugh out loud with this one!


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