If I Were a Rich Man

Today, I got a call from a man who had been getting notifications that charges were past-due on a ticket that was just shy of one year old.

“Was this the first time you found out about the ticket?” I asked.

“Well, I think it must have been my wife driving, but she is out of the country right now so I can’t ask her about it. But we have been getting letters saying we needed to pay it, and we just shredded them because it was ridiculous.”

Yeah, good choice calling about it now. The thing is, if he had called or come in when he first got it, I could have voided it for him. But, why he thought it would be a good idea to ignore the notifications and procrastinate for an entire year is beyond me.

“I mean, we donate thousands of dollars a year to the University, so why should we pay this parking ticket?”

Really? Really, sir? Yep, charitable donations mean you don’t have to follow the law. I’m pretty sure that’s how it works.

Still, I really do try to do everything I can to help appellants, so, although this man was being ridiculous, I decided to ask Harry if there was anything I could do.

“So, a year later, he decided to take care of a parking ticket? If this were a Provo city or highway citation, there’d be a warrant out for him by now. You can’t just choose to ignore things. There’s really nothing we can do for him.”

It’s true. People ignore the fact that we are a state-certified police department, not a bunch of rent-a-cops. I don’t understand why people think they can just choose to pretend we don’t exist and do whatever they’d like. So, I went back to my desk, gave myself a pep-talk (it’s hard to talk to irate people) and picked up the phone.

“I’m sorry, sir. This ticket is a year old and there’s really nothing we can do to help you, now.”

“Really? What will happen if I don’t pay it?”

“It will go to collections. Sometime soon, actually, I suspect.”

“Is that sure that’s how you want to handle this?”

“…uh, yes?”

“I give thousands of dollars each year to the University. If you’d rather have $30 than $30,000…”

{Awkward silence. What am I supposed to say to that?}

“I’m sure the President of the University would rather have the $30,000. I think I’ll have to call him up and ask him how he feels about that.”

“…uh, okay.”

“What is your name?”

“Jesslyn.” I answered, sheepishly. I never like to tell my name to angry people, especially since it’s unique (in fact, I looked myself up, and I am the only ‘Jesslyn’ to have or ever have had any affiliation with BYU.)

“Well, then I will be calling the President, Jesslyn. I’m sure he’d love to hear about this…and YOU.”

And then he hung up.

So, to recap, he parked illegally, ignored a year’s worth of warnings, thought he was exempt from punishment because of his bank account, used threats (I’m sure the college would whither and die without his money), name-dropped, and tried to scare a student secretary. Yeah, I’m a real fan.

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2 Responses to If I Were a Rich Man

  1. Sav says:

    With all his money, I’m alarmed that he does not yet know that fines don’t just go away when you shred the bill.

    It also goes to show that all the riches in the world can’t buy you manners. What a douchebag!


  2. Rachel Dell says:

    welp, just cuz you got money doesn’t mean you got class. and just cuz you’re mormon doesn’t mean you’re perfect. oh what a world.


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