I’ve got the whole world in my hands

Me (on phone): Hello. Parking Appeals office. How may I help you.”

Caller: Hi, I have a ticket I’d like to appeal.

Me: Okay. Do you have a citation number for that?

Caller: No.

Me: Okay, are you a BYU student? Do you have a student number?

Caller: Yes, but I don’t know what it is.

Me: Okay. What’s your name?

Caller: Why do you need that? I just want to appeal this citation. Why are you asking me so many questions?!

Me: Well, I can’t really do anything for you if I don’t know what the citation is. Or who you are. Or when you got it. Or where or why.


We ended up (after about 50 more questions) getting the whole thing worked out. Somehow, appellants always overestimate my power. They seem to think that all I have to do is look into their eyes (or in this case, hear their voice) and I can magically know the citation number, know their student number, void the ticket, and cure cancer.

I am not this:

Or this:

Thank you, though. I’m really quite honored. If I were, then I could be in this:

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