Do You Hear What I Hear?

(Also known as, The-Post-Wherein-Jesslyn-Noses-Into-Other-People’s-Business-And-Kind-Of-Makes-A-Fool-Of-Herself):

Last night, my darling Pokie and I, along with two girls who live above us, went on an excursion to Sub Zero. As we were getting back into the car, Pokie found a phone sitting on the ground. It was late, cold, and rainy, so we thought we should take the phone and try to return it to its owner. I texted the first person in the sent messages (who turned out to be the owner’s fiancé), saying I had found the phone and wondered if she could get in contact with the owner.

Then I did a bad thing….

(I read all of his text messages).

They weren’t terribly interesting, mostly “what are you doing later”, “how was your day” type of messages. But, I noticed that his grammar was horrendous. I was sure he had to be a foreigner because he seemed incapable of putting sentences together correctly.

Then I did another bad thing….

(I looked at his pictures and tried to guess where he was from).

I know what you are thinking, but I am not the kind of person that noses herself into other people’s lives or invades privacy. Perhaps it was the copious amount of sugary sludge in my stomach or the fact that Pokie and I had just watched three episodes of Heroes, full of intrigue, spying, and overall sneakiness. I am not proud of my actions and hope you, my dear readers, will find it in your hearts to forgive me.

[Or, maybe Jesslyn is watching you]

A few minutes after we got home, I arranged through text to meet the phone’s owner and his fiancé at Sub Zero fifteen minutes later. I made Pokie come with me because it was late, and dark, and we had watched too many episodes of Heroes to let me think this couldn’t potentially be a set-up (maybe I should stop watching suspenseful TV late at night.)

When we arrived at the drop-off, he and I both got out of our cars. I handed him the phone and instead of speaking, he mouthed the words “Thank you” while signing it to me, as well.

HE WAS DEAF!

Suddenly, all the pieces came together: how his phone was on vibrate, how there were no incoming or outgoing calls, why he and his fiancé were texting about getting an interpreter for the wedding, how he couldn’t put sentences together quite right, how he hadn’t heard his phone drop (even though when we found it, it was in several pieces which we had put back together).

It was terribly funny. I’m not sure why. But the whole situation was an awful kind of hilarious. Maybe the whole thing was a you-had-to-be-there sort of deal. Hopefully, I will be forgiven for intruding because I did a good thing and returned the phone.

Mark my words, never again shall I pry into the personal lives of strangers.

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3 Responses to Do You Hear What I Hear?

  1. Hannah Judd says:

    Jesslyn,

    I find this story hilarious and wonderful in some weird and awful way because:
    1) I would totally read his text messages. My middle name is “nosy”.
    2) I am currently procrastinating a huge major project due tomorrow all about DEAF people and its just so ironic and entertaining.
    3) You have excellent grammar and sentence structure. Just sayin’.

    You’re a gem, did you know? 😉

    Like

  2. Pingback: Do You Hear What I Hear, Pt II | Jesslyn Ann Karenina

  3. Mama San says:

    Were you raised by a pack of wolves? Or possibly monkeys?

    Like

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