What Do Cannibals Eat at Funerals?

If you know me or my family, you know we have kind of a whacked sense of humor. Just a little off-kilter. Fun for us, but weird for everyone else.

Once, a few years ago just before Che left on his mission, he randomly asked us, “What do cannibals eat at funerals?”.

We laughed and asked him how that question came from out of the blue, but he never really responded.

So, after he’d left, we sat down one night and made a list. We had all sorts of fun thinking of things, and we emailed it to him as a little present. I don’t think he acknowledged it at all.

Anyway, a few days ago, Mama emailed us the list and asked what we could add to it. I don’t know why this strange family joke resurfaced, but it did. And here, for your reading pleasure, is our comprehensive list.

What (or rather who) Cannibals Eat at Funerals:


Sloppy Joe’s

Oscar Meyer

Betty Crocker


Little Debbie

Fat Boys

Eskimo Pies

Marie Callender

Baby Food


Spice Girls

Golden Girls

Stacy Bake (That is my cousin)

Colonel Sanders

Colonel Mustard

The Muffin Man

Shirley Temple

Bloody Mary

Big Mac

Dr. Pepper

Jack Daniel’s

Sam Adams


Big Hunks



Count Chocula

Lorna Dunes

Pecan Sandy’s

3 Musketeers

Patty Cakes

Sugar Daddies

Babe Ruth

Eggs Benedict

Black Jacks

Smashing Pumpkins

Cake (like the band)

Bread (like the band)

Baby Cakes

Eye Candy

Toe Jam

Finger Food

Dairy Queen

Burger King

Girl Scout Cookies

Cracker Jacks

Colby Jack



Jelly Belly

German Pancakes

Belgium Waffles

French Fries

English Muffins

American Pie

Canadian Bacon

Italian Sausage

Swiss Cheese

Chinese Noodles

Angel Hair Pasta

Indian Curry

Mexican Food

Russian Tea Cakes

Reese’s Pieces

Body Butter

Gingerbread man


Arm and Hammer

Raw-men noodles

$5 Foot-long

Irish stew

Mrs. Butterworth’s

Ben and Jerry’s

Shepherd’s Pie

French Dip Sandwiches

Rump Roast

Uncle Ben’s

Quaker Oats

Spare ribs

Flap Jacks

Knuckle sandwiches

Chef Boyardee


Danish Dessert



Jack in the Box

Hungarian Goulash

Swedish Meatballs

Polish Sausages

Kidney pie

War Heads

– – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Are we sick or are we funny? I don’t know.

But, tell me if you have something to add.

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